I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
