Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
operation have a gay friend backfired
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
