take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
