So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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