The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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