So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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