the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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