I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
tell me about the eggs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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