ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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