i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
