There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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