i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
