i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
