I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
