hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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