I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Everything about him screamed your future.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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