I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
