I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why do cheetos always look like penises
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
