he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
