Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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