turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
