And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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