her vagine was all disorganized.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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