I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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