Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
