She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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