I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
