Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
