my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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