Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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