her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
