Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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