the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
