I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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