Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
