i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
