She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
