they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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