Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
