the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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