New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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