Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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