Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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