so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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