Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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