Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
