she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
