Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
