i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
