Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
soo... how was my night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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