Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
