Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
