okay pat passed out under dana's car
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
