Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
