I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
