and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he fucked my hip out of place.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
