I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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