I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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