There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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