I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
