there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
