Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize