Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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