you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
